As I get readjusted to providing material for this Measure of a Man blog series. Let's start off on a good foot. Men, lets get in-tune with ourselves and do whats right. Let's stop with the excuses and the bullshit. Let's develop principals and character. Let's bring much more to the table. Sounds good ladies? Ok, fellas below is a list of commandments that one should strive to live by. I will list them now and elaborate on them at a later time. These will be the reference of many of the topics to come through the new direction of this series. Pay attention and lets get to work.
The Ten Laws of Responsible Manhood:
1.Take responsibility for your actions
a responsible man take responsibility for his action. He recognizes htat he must strive to always be in control of his actions and not allow others or external circumstances to dictate his actions.
2. Always be goal oriented
a responsible man knows where he is headed. He understands the importance of setting goals and objectives and establishing, monitoring, and altering plans for achievement. The responsible man continuously aligns his actions with his plans.
3. Defend and protect FAMILY
A responsible man understands and appreciates the importance of family. He readily acts to defend and protect family in appropriate fashions.
4. Respect womanhood
A responsible man understands and appreciates the sanctity of womanhood. He understands that women deserve respect as the mothers, sisters, aunts, and nurturers of humanity.
5. Follow your GOD
A responsible man serves a living GOD and understand that his relationship will grant favor and grace upon his life.
6. Resolve conflicts non-violently
A responsible man understands that violence rarely results in satisfactory resolution of conflict. The responsible man uses intellect, wit, and diplomacy to resolve conflict.
7. Take a principled stand
A responsible man consistently represents high standards of morality, honesty, and acts accordingly. the stances he takes and opinions he holds always consider virtues that add to the common good.
8. Accept and give help
A responsible man understands and appreciates that the experiences and expertise of others may guide and assist the achievement of his own goals. Therefore he readily accepts and considers the assistance's of others. Therefore the responsible man readily offers to assist others.
9. Be a true friend
A responsible man understands that true friendship is about mutual respect, admiration, and honesty. True friends build each other up and support one another. A responsible man understands although he may have many acquaintances he likely has but a few true friends.
10. Always strive to do your best.
A responsible man understands that he can do no less than his best. When involved in activities the responsible man always strives to do the best that he can. Regardless the result, He is buoyed by the knowledge that he put his best effort forward.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Silent Detriment
I've always been very laid back. I was sheltered much as a child and upon being granted some measure of freedom, I chose to still stay within the lines my parents and mentors dictated. I was taught that it was best to say as little as possible, allow people's assumptions to drive their thoughts; make your move based off of their miscalculation. Keep you're words to a minimum, thus you don't give up too much of yourself. In reflection, I learned that it was mainly to keep my weaknesses hidden. By not talking a lot I was able to not showcase myself fully. Thus only allowing people to draw conclusions based off demeanor and my few words uttered. For years this practice worked for me. I was able to prosper by being the laid back type. For me being laid back allowed me to take in my entire surroundings. While people were running off at the mouth, I was taking what they were saying and using it for ammo. I was very cerebral. I was allowing people to paint themselves into corners. People are seldom aware of all the information they involuntarily divulge in their monologues; information that put in the wrong hands could hurt them. I was that man. I took in all information and seldom gave much of any. Quid Pro Quo was not really something I practiced back then. I was a part of all circles, but no circle could define me. It was fun for me. I answered the questions asked of me and nothing more. If you wanted a more in-depth answer, then you needed to ask a more in-depth question. I made people work to get close to me. It was my own filtering process.
Its been years since I used that particular skill or ability. Now I feel I talk too much. I show too much of myself. A friend of mine commented that getting me to talk was like pulling teeth. Here I was thinking I talked too much. Thinking about it. I only talk in length when I am under duress, or having to explain myself, or trying to make sense of my emotions. But outside of that, I don't talk. Its funny, because by profession I am a lecturer, a teacher and public speaker. It is my job to talk; to recite inspiration, to use my gift of the word to motivate, excite, calm, soothe, or what have you, but in a social setting, its 'cat got your tongue". Why is that so? Ever feel that the world is against you? Ever feel that the weight of everything is upon your shoulders? Ever go to church in notice those not jumping up or even standing when the music and the Spirit reaches extreme highs? They are the ones sitting there just moving to the beat, as if they are simply tolerating the experience. I am that person. My excitement level seldom reaches anything anyone would deem any sort of an excitement level. I have to ask myself why? It is most likely that I don't talk, because I allow my stress to bog me down. I allow everything to weigh me down. I don't allow myself strength to get pass it. I'm so stressed and sad that I cant seem to enjoy anything fully. Sometimes we get so consumed with reaching our destination that we forget to enjoy the scenery . I'm some consumed with trying to fix myself that I don't see the things that are right in my life. We miss a lot of important things, focusing so much on our pain. We focus on it, not realizing that some times the very things we need to escape our pain , to get over it, is right in front of us. But do we see it? No, we complain and allow the weight to increase, when we really don't have to.
It is hard. It is hard for me to step outside myself and become more out going, but there are plenty of instances in which I was the life of the party, the outgoing wild one. While I wouldn't say wild, but definitely out there. I can be that person, but it depends on my level of happiness. It depends on how I look at my responsibilities and the how I gauge the weight on my shoulders. We would all do better to take stock of our situations; to look more positively at ourselves and what we are going through. I asked my friend how she was doing and her response was "Good. Even when I'm not doing good, I answer good because I know soon I will be good." If that doesn't sum it up I don't know what does. Enjoy yourself despite everything you may be going through, don't focus solely on getting there but take from the journey as well. Don't allow your situation to define you, you define your situation. Live your Dream out loud
Its been years since I used that particular skill or ability. Now I feel I talk too much. I show too much of myself. A friend of mine commented that getting me to talk was like pulling teeth. Here I was thinking I talked too much. Thinking about it. I only talk in length when I am under duress, or having to explain myself, or trying to make sense of my emotions. But outside of that, I don't talk. Its funny, because by profession I am a lecturer, a teacher and public speaker. It is my job to talk; to recite inspiration, to use my gift of the word to motivate, excite, calm, soothe, or what have you, but in a social setting, its 'cat got your tongue". Why is that so? Ever feel that the world is against you? Ever feel that the weight of everything is upon your shoulders? Ever go to church in notice those not jumping up or even standing when the music and the Spirit reaches extreme highs? They are the ones sitting there just moving to the beat, as if they are simply tolerating the experience. I am that person. My excitement level seldom reaches anything anyone would deem any sort of an excitement level. I have to ask myself why? It is most likely that I don't talk, because I allow my stress to bog me down. I allow everything to weigh me down. I don't allow myself strength to get pass it. I'm so stressed and sad that I cant seem to enjoy anything fully. Sometimes we get so consumed with reaching our destination that we forget to enjoy the scenery . I'm some consumed with trying to fix myself that I don't see the things that are right in my life. We miss a lot of important things, focusing so much on our pain. We focus on it, not realizing that some times the very things we need to escape our pain , to get over it, is right in front of us. But do we see it? No, we complain and allow the weight to increase, when we really don't have to.
It is hard. It is hard for me to step outside myself and become more out going, but there are plenty of instances in which I was the life of the party, the outgoing wild one. While I wouldn't say wild, but definitely out there. I can be that person, but it depends on my level of happiness. It depends on how I look at my responsibilities and the how I gauge the weight on my shoulders. We would all do better to take stock of our situations; to look more positively at ourselves and what we are going through. I asked my friend how she was doing and her response was "Good. Even when I'm not doing good, I answer good because I know soon I will be good." If that doesn't sum it up I don't know what does. Enjoy yourself despite everything you may be going through, don't focus solely on getting there but take from the journey as well. Don't allow your situation to define you, you define your situation. Live your Dream out loud
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Endless Cycle?
" Atone for your mistakes and move on. At the very least, make new mistakes"
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine, uttered words similar to the above quote. A day later, while "attending" church, Pastor repeated something very similar. I told God I got it. I understood. Ever since hearing that phrase from people I hold in high esteem, it has been gnawing at me. Something about those words really began to strike at me. With time passing, I became more and more uncomfortable with the phrase. Not because I thought there was anything wrong with the words or how it was told to me, but rather, because it made too much sense.
I started taking a more critical look at myself. I had long since acknowledged that the current predicament I found myself in, was due to me; due to my follies and shortcomings. There wasn't anyone that I could blame for my troubles outside of myself. Through all the lies and misdirections, cover-ups and embellishments, fantasies and stories, I became my own worst enemy. I have been the reason why I had to find myself, before I destroyed myself.
"Atone for your mistakes and move on. At the very least, make new mistakes"
Those words were like a ghost come to haunt me. I saw that while I able to be so critical of myself and even acknowledge where I was doing wrong and take responsibility for my actions, that for the most part, I was still making the same mistakes. I was still doing the same things that landed me in this bad situation. I was still the square in my circle. I was making strides mentally to overcome myself, but it seems that internally I was losing battles. Its burdensome to watch yourself slowly kill yourself. Imagine knowing fully that everything you are doing is negative. Yet outwardly you are trying to project a aura of positivity. I am a constant contradiction. Together I am everything I want to be and everything I don't want to be. Something has to give.
"Atone for your mistakes and move on. At the very least, make new mistakes."
I have thought a lot about that phrase throughout today. Realizing that at my age now, my actions and shortcomings no longer just affect me. There are bigger consequences. Being a man is more then being able to pass on wisdom to others. I am fully able to tell you what is necessary to overcome this predicament. So why is it that I still find myself stuck? Why am I making the same moves that will ultimately prevent me from ever becoming who I need to be? Why am I still involved in the same activities that will land me in hotter water? To atone for mistakes is to forgive yourself. Make what amends you can and then move on. Forgiveness begins from within. I have yet to fully forgive myself for all the pain that I caused others and me failing the expectations of others. How can I atone for my mistakes when I don't fully forgive myself for ever starting down this path? How can I fully forgive myself, if I am still making the same mistakes? Its a pretty pitiful catch 22. Growth would be, at the very least making new mistakes. So have I grown? Is being able to see everything that I've done and do wrong growth? Is taking responsibility for it growth? Is it correct to even state that I take responsibility, when I make the same mistakes? I am confused. I know the right things to do, why the hell is it so hard to do the right things?
"Atone for your mistakes and move on. At the very least, make new ones."
The point of Measure of Man, is to bring to light all of me. To fully open myself for critique. To open myself up in hopes that exposing myself will force me to take harsher and more poignant looks at myself. A call to Calvary to help me finally dispel the evil that still taint me. Measure of a Man also is suppose to help you. It is suppose to help you identify your own follies. Each session will be me writing about myself and than offering a lesson. Offering food for thought. I hope your hungry.
So what have we learned about my current predicament? Why is it so hard to do the right things? Why are we all so stuck in this constant struggle of mediocrity? Why do we get comfortable in doing things a certain way? Are you happy? Do you think that just because you are happy that you are doing the right thing? For years I was happy. I was happy, because the activities I found myself in, I thought were giving me pleasure. I thought because I was happy, I was doing right. Boy was I wrong. Seldom are we happy and doing the right things. For life is temptation and we are programmed to take the easy route. We do that which we are comfortable in doing. Why do you take the expressway to work instead of going local and avoiding traffic? Why do you eat a particular meal during celebratory sessions? Ever thought about changing your routine? Not many of us would. We say, "It works for me. It gets me through my day, why change?" Exactly! We are all afraid of change. We are afraid of doing something different, because for a time we will be force to be uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because things will be unfamiliar. And we don't like feeling uncomfortable. But that is what is necessary. For a season we might have to be uncomfortable in order to overcome ourselves. Why am I stuck in doing the same activities even though I know that they are destructive? Simply because a part of me (a part of me that for some reason can creep in and take over when I least want it) doesn't like to be uncomfortable and when in that "fight or flight mood", will do what is normal to me. But I know that I have to take that leap. I have to walk blind. I have to go beyond simply knowing and talking about my issues and taking that step in complete obedience. In order to break this cycle, I have to do things that I am not used to. I have to let go of some things and replace them with...some other things. All I know is that I need to not be comfortable right now.
"Atone for your mistakes and move on. At the very least, make new mistakes."
For me to atone for my mistakes and move on and make some new mistakes, I have to give up that path that causes me to be a repeat offender. I need to walk down the street naked. Let us all take a look at ourselves and decide that things need to change. No one who was ever successful, was comfortable all the time. Think about it.
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine, uttered words similar to the above quote. A day later, while "attending" church, Pastor repeated something very similar. I told God I got it. I understood. Ever since hearing that phrase from people I hold in high esteem, it has been gnawing at me. Something about those words really began to strike at me. With time passing, I became more and more uncomfortable with the phrase. Not because I thought there was anything wrong with the words or how it was told to me, but rather, because it made too much sense.
I started taking a more critical look at myself. I had long since acknowledged that the current predicament I found myself in, was due to me; due to my follies and shortcomings. There wasn't anyone that I could blame for my troubles outside of myself. Through all the lies and misdirections, cover-ups and embellishments, fantasies and stories, I became my own worst enemy. I have been the reason why I had to find myself, before I destroyed myself.
"Atone for your mistakes and move on. At the very least, make new mistakes"
Those words were like a ghost come to haunt me. I saw that while I able to be so critical of myself and even acknowledge where I was doing wrong and take responsibility for my actions, that for the most part, I was still making the same mistakes. I was still doing the same things that landed me in this bad situation. I was still the square in my circle. I was making strides mentally to overcome myself, but it seems that internally I was losing battles. Its burdensome to watch yourself slowly kill yourself. Imagine knowing fully that everything you are doing is negative. Yet outwardly you are trying to project a aura of positivity. I am a constant contradiction. Together I am everything I want to be and everything I don't want to be. Something has to give.
"Atone for your mistakes and move on. At the very least, make new mistakes."
I have thought a lot about that phrase throughout today. Realizing that at my age now, my actions and shortcomings no longer just affect me. There are bigger consequences. Being a man is more then being able to pass on wisdom to others. I am fully able to tell you what is necessary to overcome this predicament. So why is it that I still find myself stuck? Why am I making the same moves that will ultimately prevent me from ever becoming who I need to be? Why am I still involved in the same activities that will land me in hotter water? To atone for mistakes is to forgive yourself. Make what amends you can and then move on. Forgiveness begins from within. I have yet to fully forgive myself for all the pain that I caused others and me failing the expectations of others. How can I atone for my mistakes when I don't fully forgive myself for ever starting down this path? How can I fully forgive myself, if I am still making the same mistakes? Its a pretty pitiful catch 22. Growth would be, at the very least making new mistakes. So have I grown? Is being able to see everything that I've done and do wrong growth? Is taking responsibility for it growth? Is it correct to even state that I take responsibility, when I make the same mistakes? I am confused. I know the right things to do, why the hell is it so hard to do the right things?
"Atone for your mistakes and move on. At the very least, make new ones."
The point of Measure of Man, is to bring to light all of me. To fully open myself for critique. To open myself up in hopes that exposing myself will force me to take harsher and more poignant looks at myself. A call to Calvary to help me finally dispel the evil that still taint me. Measure of a Man also is suppose to help you. It is suppose to help you identify your own follies. Each session will be me writing about myself and than offering a lesson. Offering food for thought. I hope your hungry.
So what have we learned about my current predicament? Why is it so hard to do the right things? Why are we all so stuck in this constant struggle of mediocrity? Why do we get comfortable in doing things a certain way? Are you happy? Do you think that just because you are happy that you are doing the right thing? For years I was happy. I was happy, because the activities I found myself in, I thought were giving me pleasure. I thought because I was happy, I was doing right. Boy was I wrong. Seldom are we happy and doing the right things. For life is temptation and we are programmed to take the easy route. We do that which we are comfortable in doing. Why do you take the expressway to work instead of going local and avoiding traffic? Why do you eat a particular meal during celebratory sessions? Ever thought about changing your routine? Not many of us would. We say, "It works for me. It gets me through my day, why change?" Exactly! We are all afraid of change. We are afraid of doing something different, because for a time we will be force to be uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because things will be unfamiliar. And we don't like feeling uncomfortable. But that is what is necessary. For a season we might have to be uncomfortable in order to overcome ourselves. Why am I stuck in doing the same activities even though I know that they are destructive? Simply because a part of me (a part of me that for some reason can creep in and take over when I least want it) doesn't like to be uncomfortable and when in that "fight or flight mood", will do what is normal to me. But I know that I have to take that leap. I have to walk blind. I have to go beyond simply knowing and talking about my issues and taking that step in complete obedience. In order to break this cycle, I have to do things that I am not used to. I have to let go of some things and replace them with...some other things. All I know is that I need to not be comfortable right now.
"Atone for your mistakes and move on. At the very least, make new mistakes."
For me to atone for my mistakes and move on and make some new mistakes, I have to give up that path that causes me to be a repeat offender. I need to walk down the street naked. Let us all take a look at ourselves and decide that things need to change. No one who was ever successful, was comfortable all the time. Think about it.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Welcome
Is life really what you make of it? What about the choices that negatively impact us? What then are regrets?
Throughout life we are all faced with a number of choices and decisions to make. We choose what we feel is best for us at that particular moment. In such, that decision often could have repercussions later on in life. How do we deal with the decisions we make out of ignorance?
When you look into the mirror what do you see? Do you see your nationality first and then your gender? Do you see all the roles you play on a daily basis? When do you ever see the real you?
A few years ago, during a very hard time in my life when nothing was going right, I made a very big mistake. Well, the mistake was a long standing role I was playing that which at some point I had to come clean about. It was unveiling the truth about who I was, that I realized that I was not the man I pretended to be. It was finally telling the truth about things, that costed me probably the most important person to ever come into my life. From this experience, I realized I could no longer live under all these masks. I set out to discover who I really was. It is that particular journey that this Blog series was developed.
Measure of a Man is not speaking to just males. While I am a male and many of the situations afforded me will come from a male perspective, I have learned that through being human we all have struggles, be it male or female, black or white we all struggle in similar fashion. This series helped me to uncover who I am today and set me on the path to become the man I need to be tomorrow. I am not there yet- not by a long shot; but it is the hope that through these writings and your feed back I can further uncover my purpose and dispel the evils that still taint me. Through this I hope to help people identify who they really are and we all begin down a new path as the best we can ever be.
This wont be pretty. Many things I will say will not be easily digested. But I have found that it often times the hard questions, that bring about harsh realities but make us better equipped to change the picture. I want us all to struggle through this, for it will be that struggle that opens us up and allows for us to be remolded. Together we can be more then we are today. Please walk with me.
Throughout life we are all faced with a number of choices and decisions to make. We choose what we feel is best for us at that particular moment. In such, that decision often could have repercussions later on in life. How do we deal with the decisions we make out of ignorance?
When you look into the mirror what do you see? Do you see your nationality first and then your gender? Do you see all the roles you play on a daily basis? When do you ever see the real you?
A few years ago, during a very hard time in my life when nothing was going right, I made a very big mistake. Well, the mistake was a long standing role I was playing that which at some point I had to come clean about. It was unveiling the truth about who I was, that I realized that I was not the man I pretended to be. It was finally telling the truth about things, that costed me probably the most important person to ever come into my life. From this experience, I realized I could no longer live under all these masks. I set out to discover who I really was. It is that particular journey that this Blog series was developed.
Measure of a Man is not speaking to just males. While I am a male and many of the situations afforded me will come from a male perspective, I have learned that through being human we all have struggles, be it male or female, black or white we all struggle in similar fashion. This series helped me to uncover who I am today and set me on the path to become the man I need to be tomorrow. I am not there yet- not by a long shot; but it is the hope that through these writings and your feed back I can further uncover my purpose and dispel the evils that still taint me. Through this I hope to help people identify who they really are and we all begin down a new path as the best we can ever be.
This wont be pretty. Many things I will say will not be easily digested. But I have found that it often times the hard questions, that bring about harsh realities but make us better equipped to change the picture. I want us all to struggle through this, for it will be that struggle that opens us up and allows for us to be remolded. Together we can be more then we are today. Please walk with me.
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